What your mother couldn't tell you & your father didn't know
by John Gray
With my new found interest in reading I was in search of another book to read. I went to our storage room and looked in some boxes to see what I could find. I came across this book that we had inherited from my mother-in-law. I had heard of the authors other book about Men, Women and Mars, Venus so I started reading.
I feel like I have had a crash course in relationships 101. It's like I just looked into the male psyche without him knowing along with my own. I am very anxious to somehow share it with my husband and get his perspective. I related to it so much that I want to see how well he relates to it. When it explained female emotions and reactions on paper they seemed some what annoying and silly, but they were so true. No wonder my husband can get annoyed with me. Here is a little of what I got out of it.
Women expect men to know what to do to make them appreciate them.
If women feel like they are heard and loved they will be very appreciative of their mate.
They are happy if their partner is happy.
Men feel blamed if the woman complains.
Men feel like they have to earn more money if the woman is unhappy.
Men don't realize that when women complain they don't want them to solve their problems, just listen and not make us feel bad about it.
The solutions:
Women- Notice and appreciate everything the man does. Create opportunities for the man to succeed in small things. The author states pause, prepare, persist, and appreciate. Pause for the best moment to ask him to listen to you, prepare him to listen by telling him nothing is required but listening, then persist in asking in a non-demanding way until he will happily fulfill her needs and then appreciate him for fulfilling your needs and making you happy. Men will then want to do this the next time and the whole process gets easier. Also, not make any suggestions or criticism to the things he enjoys to do. This is how he deals with stress and criticizing them will make him not want to leave them and make him feel like you don't trust him to make good choices. The best way to get him to pay more attention to you and not on other things is by making him feel appreciated when he is with you.
Men- Realize the best thing you can do is to listen without fighting back no matter how much you want to. Remind yourself that the woman is not blaming you, just venting to feel better so she can in the end appreciate you. Then if there is still problems approach them after sorting out your feelings while having alone time. With the womens help realize that small things can make a women happy just as much as big things.
It sounds so unnatural, I'm sure that it would take practice to be so understanding of the other persons thinking when in the heat of your own feelings. I can't fully describe this book. I have a good, happy, loving and giving relationship. I just wonder how it could be to understand each other better. In turn, I think sometimes when I feel unappreciated is when he has tried his hardest to make me happy and vice versa.
What do you think? Has anyone read this book? What other books have you read about relationships?
1 comment:
Wow, sounds like a great book. I would love to read that, can you get it at the library?
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